I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
