For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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