That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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