I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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