she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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