i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
