Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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