I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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