My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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