Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
try to milk me bitch
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