I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He? As in you personified your dick?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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