When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
