You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
