i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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