You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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