afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Sober January is a disaster.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
