Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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