He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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