Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
