Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
