I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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