I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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