nut hugger
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
