the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
