I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
