she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
