she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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