I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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