I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
