he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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