Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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