There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
