U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
