I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
