I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
