I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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