Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Randomize
