We're like a lot better than the average bears
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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