I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
