I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
