First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
