Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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