when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
