I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
