The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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