4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
You work out of a Hotel?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Randomize
