i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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