piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
