allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
