When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
I see more hoeing in ur future
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
