I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Randomize
