So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
